


Mercutio the Murdercorn's First Flight

by SuperstringSymphony



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: But he's also just as much of a terror as Tony, Excessive Coffee Drinking, Friendship, Gen, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, Mentions of underage drinking, Mit Based Shenanigans, Pansexual Tony Stark, Pranks and Practical Jokes, brief mentions of homophobia, but it's in the past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 08:07:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13142520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperstringSymphony/pseuds/SuperstringSymphony
Summary: In Tony’s second year attending MIT he might maybe pull a few strings so that he and Rhodey end up sharing the same dorm.  During the break he has seen Rhodey a few times, but the time away just reminds him how much he’s missed having his best friend around.  The mansion had been almost empty, which was nice in that his dad wasn’t around to rain on his parade, but that also meant his mother and Jarvis weren’t around either.Just because he’s happy to be around Rhodey though, doesn’t mean he is going to stop pranking the hell out of him.  As he fills shampoo bottles with glitter he wonders sometimes if Rhodey ever regrets finding Tony passed out in that fountain and taking it upon himself to make sure he got back to his dorm in one piece.  Tony stares down into the shimmery concoction he’s created and grins.  Nah, Rhodey loves him, no matter what anyone says-even his own brain when it’s feeling particularly maudlin. Turns out Tony and Tequila mix very badly.“Oh Rhodey, my beautiful disco ball, I will take you out on the town.”  Tony sing songs to himself, placing the bottle back in the shower caddy and then skipping off before he gets caught.





	Mercutio the Murdercorn's First Flight

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Milestogo56 (Pink_boxers_rainbow)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pink_boxers_rainbow/gifts).



> A gift for [eyethefluff](https://eyethefluff.tumblr.com/) from the TSDL discord: Hap Secret Santa! Thank you [Dophne](https://queendophne.tumblr.com/) for setting it up! One of your prompts was Tony and Rhodey MIT shenanigans and that’s what I went with, I hope you like it! I’ve moved the time period up a little bit, more into the late 90′s

 

 

In Tony's second year attending MIT he might maybe pull a few strings so that he and Rhodey end up sharing the same dorm. During the break he has seen Rhodey a few times, but the time away just reminds him how much he's missed having his best friend around. The mansion had been almost empty, which was nice in that his dad wasn't around to rain on his parade, but that also meant his mother and Jarvis weren't around either.

Just because he's happy to be around Rhodey though, doesn't mean he is going to stop pranking the hell out of him. As he fills shampoo bottles with glitter he wonders sometimes if Rhodey ever regrets finding Tony passed out in that fountain and taking it upon himself to make sure he got back to his dorm in one piece. Tony stares down into the shimmery concoction he's created and grins. Nah, Rhodey loves him, no matter what anyone says-even his own brain when it's feeling particularly maudlin. Turns out Tony and Tequila mix _very_ badly.

“Oh Rhodey, my beautiful disco ball, I will take you out on the town.” Tony sing songs to himself, placing the bottle back in the shower caddy and then skipping off before he gets caught.

After that he gets so wrapped up in programming and designing electric cars that don't suck-that the shampoo bottle of sparkly doom slips his mind entirely. It's not until he's in the shower two days later after finally having crashed that he finishes lathering his hair only to realize he's grabbed the wrong bottle.

“Oh.” He says, staring down at his hands and their fine diamond dust coating. “Oh fuck.”

When he steps out of the shower looking like a studio 54 flashback he stares at himself in the mirror; turning this way and that. He's absolutely coated in the herpes of the craft world. Tony envisions himself cast out of polite society, banished from everything he loves as he drips his sad glitter coated trail into-where do they banish people to nowadays anyway?

His musings are interrupted by Rhodey knocking on the door. Four smart raps on the frame. Tony grins suddenly. Well, when life gives you shimmery lemons you make body glitter.

“Rhodey!” He calls, wrapping a towel around his hips and throwing the door to the bathroom open. Rhodey's hand stills mid knock, his eyes practically bugging when he gets a good look at Tony.

“Oh my god. What the hell did you do to yourself?” Tony blinks, then blinks again. A strangled laugh escapes his throat. Rhodey is soaked in glitter too, although he doesn't seem to have noticed his predicament.

“Oh Honey Bear, you look-heee...ahah..you look so pretty!” Rhodey squints at him.

“What are you-” Rhodey pauses, looking down at himself and letting out a shocked yell

“This is your fault, I know it!” Rhodey growls, grabbing for Tony when he tries to duck past him in through the doorway.

“Nooo, never!” Tony shrieks, dropping down to crawl through Rhodey's legs. “I'll never surrender!” He gets about half way down the hall before Rhodey is on him.

They end up sprawled on the floor in a laughing and extremely sparkly heap. Tony lifts his head, reaching over to rub his hand over Rhodey's cheek. “Hey it looks nice on you though” Rhodey glares at him in utter affront. “What, it does!”

Tony hops up off the floor, hands on his hips. His towel is long gone, but Rhodey has seen worse things. “We need to go to a club. This is so perfect for that.”

“What kind of club are we going to go to looking like a pair of strobe lights Tony.” Honestly, sometimes Rhodey has absolutely zero imagination.

“Um. A gay club? Of course. You didn't think I would want to go to a _sports bar_ or something did you?”

“No. Absolutely not. You are not getting trashed, people buy you way too many drinks and you're a toddler, it's not right.” Tony gapes at Rhodey, but then lets his bottom lip jut out, eyes taking on that wide pleading expression that's worked in his advantage more than once.

“Do not, do not pout at me, this is just proving my point. Plus last time you spent thirty minutes talking about my eyes and then you fell off of a balcony into some bushes.” Tony remembers that vaguely, and even if he didn't it sounds about right, and Rhodey _does_ have pretty eyes.

“If you don't come with me, I'll just go with my fake ID and then I'll be at the club all by my lonesome.” Tony says, infusing the words with as much tragic longing as possible; getting another glare from Rhodey for his trouble.

“How about we have a dorm party instead?” Tony grins. He can work with that.

That's how they end up with a dorm full of glittery half naked people, a giant foam machine, and the biggest frozen daiquiri maker Tony could find on short notice. Despite the drinks being non-alcoholic, everyone seems to be having a great time. Tony conspires with five others to be flung across a table at Rhodey. With the plastic cover over it and the foam it acts as a sort of slip n' slide, and Tony goes crashing into his friend with truly impressive force.

“I'm king of the mountain!” He crows, sitting atop Rhodey to the sound of cheering.

“Like hell you are.” Rhodey growls, taking his ice filled cup and dumping it down the only piece of clothing Tony is wearing. The tiny speedo doesn't do much for protection, and Tony might screech just a tad at the feeling of ice going where none have gone before.

“Serves you right for having a target on your ass!” Rhodey says, cackling like the asshole he is while Tony hops around trying to get the ice away from parts of his body that are _really_ not appreciating the cold.

“You Shaddup it's a Captain America shield!” Tony thinks about that statement for a moment, narrowing his eyes thoughtfully. “Although, Captain America could target my ass _anytime_ if you catch my drift. You know, if he wasn't MIA and all for the last few decades.” Rhodey groans, tossing a few balled up napkins in Tony's direction.

“I swear to God if I have to hear about your crush on an American hero one more time, I'm going to-” Whatever horrible fate is in store for Tony is interrupted by the police knocking at the door. There's no alcohol, but Tony just feels the urge to sprint, and their dorm is on the second floor. So maybe hurling himself out the window onto the fire escape and going running across campus in a speedo covered in foam and glitter wasn't the best idea, but Rhodey is right there with him, laughing like a maniac.

They go for hot dogs after that, Rhodey still has his wallet on him. Tony sits in a cheap plastic lawn chair with his food, completely unbothered by the looks he's getting tossed in his direction, even if the scrutiny does make his skin itch just a tad.

“I should start wearing sunglasses.” He muses, taking a bite and chewing; making intense eye contact with the middle aged man sitting at the table across from them-until the man does the polite thing and looks away.

“Whatever man, but don't you dare wear them at night.” Tony coughs.

“ _Excuse_ me Rhodes? Sunglasses at night are the height of style.” Rhodey looks entirely nonplussed by this absolute truth.

“Style huh?”

“Um, yes? It's called fashion, look it up.” Tony deadpans, in his most condescending voice. Rhodey starts snickering, and Tony kicks him under the table. Rhodey kicks him back. Jerk.

They make it back to their dorm a few hours later. There's foam everywhere. Cups and surprisingly large amounts of glitter cover almost every surface. On their couch there's a guy in a Pikachu onesie dead asleep clutching a half eaten watermelon. Tony feels the night was a success.

 

**\-------------------------------------------------------------**

 

It's winter, and it's so freakishly cold that Tony feels like his entire body might just shrivel up and blow away in the wind like a dead leaf. The cold in New York is bad, but this is somehow worse. It wouldn't be so bad, but Tony has a million things to do-most of them self imposed. Finals are fast approaching, but Tony isn't worried about those. No, what's been keeping him up for three days straight is the helper bot currently lying in pieces in the robotics lab. The coding for its AI is the most complicated thing he's ever done, and it doesn't help that going back home for thanksgiving had just been one long slide into disappointment-ville.

That's how he ends up contemplating the thought of going into the dorm's cold tiled kitchen for more coffee. It really is cold, and even with two pairs of sock on, Tony doesn't feel like going to the kitchen and chilling his toes. Then he remembers the hotplate and his beautiful baby, Madame Cafe the french press.

“Come to me, my darlings.” He mumbles to himself, creeping into the bathroom to root around for the plate beneath the sink. Madame cafe is there too, along with a bag of his favorite roast.

“Yes, thank you sweet baby Jesus.” He all but moans, setting about getting his caffeine infusion going. Half way through the brewing process he looks up into the mirror and gasps. His hair is a ball of engine grease, soot streaks over his cheeks. But coffee, he needs coffee. Tony looks between Madame Cafe and the shower twice before making his decision.

As he's steaming himself in the shower and slurping coffee directly from the press he has the thought that he's been looking at the AI problem all wrong. “Hell yes.” Tony whispers to himself.

“By Jove I think he's got it.” Jarvis would probably cuff him upside the head for doing such a shitty impersonation of his accent, but Tony is too busy clambering out of the shower and running over to his notes to think on that too closely. He takes a moment to dress himself in what he vaguely registers as warm ups, and then he's lost for hours, poring over code, and drinking so much coffee he thinks he might see constellations behind his eyes when he blinks.

“Tony!” He hears from somewhere in the vicinity of their bathroom an indeterminate amount of time later. Tony knows that tone of voice all too well. Moments later a very exasperated James Rhodes is eyeing him from the doorway of his room.

“Yees Rhodey splodey fee fi fo...smoady.” Tony feels like he might be shaking out of reality just a little bit. He clutches his coffee pot closer to his chest because Rhodey is staring at it pointedly.

“Tones.”

“Why are there coffee grounds at the bottom of the tub? I mean it smells nice, but what the hell man?” Rhodey just has no appreciation at _all_ for the fine art form of ingesting so much caffeine one ascends into the astral plane.

“-And why are you cradling that coffee pot like your first born child?”

“It's a _french press.”_ Tony hisses; offense firing on all cylinders.

“It's, it's a goddamn coffee pot, give it to me-” Tony hisses again, scuttling backwards and clutching the carafe to his chest even more tightly, swiping at Rhodey when he gets within striking distance. “Give. Me. That.”

“French press!” Tony cries, dancing out of Rhodey's grabbing hands.

“My precious, you shall not pass!” He yells when it turns into a grappling match, but Tony has a few tricks up his sleeve even if Rhodey is bigger and sometimes wilier. He ducks under Rhodey, tipping the press down and all but chugging the remainder of the coffee down.

“Ohhh. My god man, that's sick-” Rhodey is laughing though, staring at Tony as if he's a few marbles short.

“You're sick, you're not right, that was fucking. That was sludge. You're going to die.” Tony stares right back at him, snapping one hand out to rip the towel from around Rhodey's waist.

“But at least I'm not-” Rhodey lets out a loud yell as Tony runs past him, the towel clutched in his hand like a prize. “Stark naked, baby!”

He doesn't expect Rhodey to chase him out into the hallway, but he _does._ The thorough telling off they get from the R.A. When he finds a nude Rhodey with Tony in a headlock in the middle of the residential hall is absolutely worth it.

Two days later Madame Cafe disappears. Tony can't prove it's his traitorous best friend's fault, but he knows, oh he _knows._

 

**\-------------------------------------------------------------**

 

“Rhodey-” Tony says, walking into the machine lab where his best friend likes to while away his time. Rhodey pauses in putting together what appears to be a complicated miniature aircraft of sorts, looking over at Tony expectantly.

“Yeah, what's eating you Tones?”

“Rhodey, have you ever considered the potential weaponization of horses?” Rhodey stares at him, but Tony is undeterred. He's thought this through, and he's confident Rhodey will come around to his way of thinking.

“Just think, rocket powered robot horses.”

“I mean, to be fair I'm pretty sure the idea of weaponized horses has been around for a pretty long time.”

“Yeah but not rocket powered-” Tony says, spreading his hands out to make his pitch. “and definitely not robotic.” Rhodey's dark eyes rise to meet his, a thoughtful look stealing over his features. Tony grins at him brightly.

“Can't argue with that.” Rhodey stands, walking over to the lab's mini fridge to snag what's obviously a beer, Tony eyes it covetously.

“No. You're twelve, we've had this discussion before, no beer for you.” Tony gapes at him, but Rhodey passes over a fresh mugful of liquid sustenance from the coffee maker atop the fridge so all is forgiven. “I guess the question is _why_ are we contemplating rocket powered robotic horses?”

Tony feels the grin steal back onto his face, Rhodey is looking _invested_ now, that almost always bodes well. “Mitch Young got really trashed and started talking shit about all the women in my advanced robotics class-” Rhodey's eyes narrow while he takes another swallow of his beer.

“And-” Tony puts a hand over his heart.

“he implied that we were fucking, which would make me such a lucky man, but your upstanding morals won't allow it. Wasn't me being young that bothered him either.” Tony finishes sourly. Maybe making a coming out of the closet joke at a huge party hadn't been the most _discrete_ way to announce his pansexuality, but if wishes were fishes he'd have a golden toilet, or however that saying goes.

“What an **asshole.”** Rhodey says with feeling, glaring into space as if he's visualizing himself punching that bastard in his smug fucking face. Tony has never seen anyone that's accomplished so little look so self satisfied.

“Mitch is a misogynistic homophobe, let's fuck him up. I talked to the women in the class-” Tony says, pulling a tablet of his own design from the satchel slung over his shoulder. One day he'll have holograms, if he can just figure out the coding and the projecting aspect. While he thinks on that solution, he unlocks the tablet, swiping through screens until the glorious lines of the Murder Horse loom large on the screen.

“Tameka says Mitch is terrified of horses, we've been working on this design, but I thought, who better to design the rocket engines than my best friend in the whole wide world?” Tony bats his lashes, when Rhodey takes the tablet off his hands to look over the design with a critical eye-which quickly loses out to Tony's favorite Rhodey smile.

“Ooh yeah, is it mad science time gummy bear?” Rhodey's smile gets a little toothier.

“It is definitely mad science time, let's...let's do this.” Tony whoops, running out of the lab and into the hallway where a group of five women are hanging around. They stop to stare at him expectantly, and Tony punches the air.

“He said yes!”

“So did Sherri!” Tameka supplies, tugging a mousy looking girl with big round chestnut eyes from behind her. She gives a little wave.

“Wait to dating you, or to our proposal about Murd-Em-H?” Tameka's dark eyes dance with the kind of mischief Tony has seen in his own eyes many a time.

“To both, now, let's make Mitch Young stare into the fiery eyes of The Murder Horse.” Cheers go up around the circle, growing louder when Rhodey decides to grace them all with his fine upstanding presence. Tony beams at him, sidling close to throw an arm over Rhodey's shoulder.

“Mad science!” They howl in unison, after a moment of silence from their companions, the women join in too.

The sound Mitch young makes, and the sight of him running across campus being pursued by a jet powered robotic unicorn becomes an MIT legend. They agree as a group that making it rainbow colored had been a stroke of genius, as had been the addition of the unicorn horn. Mercutio the Murdercorn is eventually rounded up by campus police, but the remote device used to control it is never found. How he ends up in the dean's office no one knows, but Mercutio becomes a fixture at the university, appearing in different and increasingly unusual places; until he finds his home in the student center. No one ever pins the feat on their little group, but Mitch Young mysteriously transfers to another university not long after.

After Marriage Equality is passed, Sherri and Tameka get hitched, Tony insists on throwing flowers for the happy couple. It makes page six; Tony all decked out in a pan flag cummerbund, sunglasses in place, leaving a trail of petals in his wake. It's a hell of a way to come out to the public, but Tony has no regrets.

He never does find his french press though, fuck you very much Rhodey.

 


End file.
